if people i know online met me in person they’d be surprised by several things like
- my height
- my voice
- exactly how annoying i can be
I’m so stressed and I’ve literally been home for 2 min and already my dad is fucking screaming at me and I just want to die. Or vanish. Go away. Just not be here.
He doesn’t fucking do anything, but he’s always fucking texting me while I’m working or at school “when are you going to clean the fucking house” like I’m a maid. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t go to school. He doesn’t clean. But he expects me to make time for the shit that he and my sister have all the time in the world for.
He literally just pushed me out of his room and slammed the door on me.I locked myself in the bathroom because it’s the only place upstairs with a lock.
I don’t want my dad’s gf to leave. She’s leaving this Wednesday.
I know that when she leaves, he’s going to go back to getting more aggressive with me.
I wish Alejandro was less busy so I could just escape to his house more often.
it’s driving me crazy. Things are getting more stressful than anything and all I want now more than ever is to feel loved or something. Something close to that atleast. Appreciated? Liked? Fucking acknowledged that I’m a human being?
I’m still forever wondering, what did I do to deserve parents like mine…
Alex is in a relationship now, well actually he has been since June or so, but I didnt know.
I really thought that when this day came, my heart would drop or something.
It felt like I was looking at friend’s profile. If they post gushy kissy pics, I might feel funny, but who knows.
I looked at her profile for a good while.
I think the reason why I don’t feel anything sad is because she seems like a nice girl. If she looked like some dumb slut bitch that wasnt good enough for him & that would fuck him over, then I’d feel some type of wayyy lol. As long as hes happy, and if she treats him well, I’m good over here.
You know whats fuckin weird though.
Alejandro also goes by Alex.
And I dated a guy named Alex in January.
So I’ve dated 3 Alexs.
Bleh anyways, I’ve been doing a lot of school work + working out a lot.
I’m always busy damn it. I don’t even have time for Alejandro. We’re not going to spend time together till next Sunday, 1 and a half weeks. I’m just going to spending his lunch breaks with him 1-2 x a week. Its a new relationship so hopefully that will hold us off and we’ll still be solid.
Lol I just said that.
I feel like I don’t have time for anything.
I don’t know why I even worried.
I still have lots of trust issues, but I’m taking a chance. I think its a good one.
It was nice seeing you for lunch today (:
I hate the feeling of not being used to being in a proper & real relationship anymore. Being introduced to friends, to family.. I haven’t done that in years. I’ve gotten used to sneaking around or walking past people like I don’t exist. I was almost surprised when you said “I wanted to take you out tonight”. It feels almost foreign to say “my boyfriend”, but nice.
I got in a huge fight with dad after I saw you for lunch. Though I was crying a shit ton, just thinking about you for a split second made me smile a little.
I’m excited for us!
I didn’t want last Sunday to end. I just wanted to stay with you. I like when you touch my face or give me kisses on the cheek. I like that we’re taking things so slow. I like your weird sense of humor and your slight awkwardness. I like that we have a blast just playing card games and watching youtube videos. I really like you. I can’t help but feel secure with you. I’m not in a rush to change my facebook status as if to claim you, because I know I already have you (: - but it will make me giddy to change the status in a week or two like we said lol.
I can’t help but smile when I talk about you. Hell, I’m smiling right now.
I get so envious and sad when I see -in pictures or in person- parents hugging their children or telling them that they love them. I get like that when I see my friends on Facebook post screenshots of convos with their mom or dad and the parent says something like “I love you” at the end.I was on ig that this girl I follow posts her family a lot. Her mom loves her so much. Her dad does too. They look so happy. And I’m just here thinking “why can’t I have that?”. It’s totally out of my control. My mom and I haven’t spoken in a month or two. She came to see my sister, but didn’t tell me she was in town.